…..and they lived happily ever after. This is how all fairy tales end where the prince and the princess after various trials and tribulations, finally marry and ‘live happily ever after’. In childhood, we are enamoured with these stories and this desire for ‘happy endings’ continues in adulthood. But why are these ‘happy endings’ prevalent in fairy tales, not so common in real life? Men and women, when searching for their life partners, often search for people with common interests, belonging to a similar profession and from a similar background. They feel that their shared interests will serve as a strong foundation for their marriage. The assumption is that ‘understanding’ and ‘adjustment’, key words to make a marriage work, would become easier with commonalities. They want to work together, relax together; they want as much togetherness as possible. Does this always work? Not necessarily. Said Kahlil Gibran: “Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love.” Togetherness is important, agreed, but not at the cost of individual growth. Both the people in the relationship will have their own personalities. Excessive togetherness may hamper the development of the person. There will be activities which each of them enjoys doing on their own. Too much of ‘being together’ can be stifling. In fact for the marriage to thrive, what is more important is that the two people who comprise it should be happy and contented. This togetherness, where one can’t live without the other may seem very romantic in the first flush of love. … [Read more...]
Old is Gold
‘Old is gold’ goes the saying. Let me modify this quote to “The years of old age are the golden years of one’s life.” We equate ‘old age’ to sagging, wrinkled skin, faltering steps, illnesses galore, infinite number of medicinal pills etc. In fact, we are so scared of getting old that in the threshold years from youth to middle age itself, we start taking steps to ward off this eventuality. A silver hair here, a wrinkle there and people are horrified that they are ‘getting old’. Birth-childhood-youth-old age is the order of life and try as we may, that cannot change. When a toddler grows , the parents rejoice; when childhood blossoms into youth, they are thrilled. But we want the cycle to stop at this stage without going any further. We want to keep the suppleness of skin and freshness of youth intact. To achieve this we are ready to take any amount of trouble. From anti-wrinkle creams to skin tightening surgery, we are willing to try anything. Never mind that these may cause even more problems than they solve. Why not just let our bodies age gracefully instead of pretending to be what we are not? When we wouldn’t want an adult to have a body of a child, what sense does it make to crave for a youthful body in one’s old age? What we need to instead is to try to maintain our health. Moderate exercise, suitable yoga to keep ouselves fit is what we should be doing, not rushing off to dermatologists. Old age is the time we should prepare for the inevitable – the discarding of the physical body. Indian tradition sets a period of life for ‘vanaprastha’ where a person retires to the forest leaving his home, family business, wealth, lives a simple life and spends his time in contemplation and prayer … [Read more...]
Bearing a grudge hurts – yourself
“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers,” says Kahlil Gibran in the book ‘Sand and Foam’. Bearing grudges is human; it is very difficult to shake off that feeling of resentment. Consider the feeling of rage or anger, where the poison from the system is spewed out completely at one go, though often with disastrous consequences. Contrast this with the feeling of rancour which works like slow-poison. You may have a former friend who has belittled you in the past and who you are nursing a grudge against. If you care to notice, you will see that the friend is blissfully unaware of your animosity. It is your insides which are corroding with malice, you want to teach her a lesson someday. This feeling will remain long after you have forgotten the reason for the ill-will you bear her and all you will end up with is an ulcer. The best way to do away with this feeling is to deal with it right away and not let it rankle within you. If it is something you can sort out with the person, just do it at the earliest and forget the whole episode. A lifetime of bearing venom is detrimental to one’s physical and mental well-being. Most of the resentments we nurse are for silly reasons and we may be harbouring them even from childhood. It may be against a sibling for putting us into trouble, a cousin for a perceived slight, a teacher or even a parent for unjust punishment. When somebody very close has hurt me, I try to remember at least one good turn which that person has done. This makes me feel better immediately. The problem is that we give ourselves so much importance that … [Read more...]
Recent Comments